Writings

For many years now, most Sundays, I go dancing. I’ve mostly kept this a private affair. I go by myself, dance my heart out, and leave early before the commingling begins.  One of the three rules of this dance is “No talking on the dance floor” which supports my anonymity. In seven years, I’ve made few acquaintances, […]

Last night a friend told me she worried about my latest post on Shame. She was concerned that I might be exposing a part of myself not ready for so much attention.  I’m glad she outed her concern, because it gave me the chance to explain why I shared what I did.   Recently I’ve […]

Do you know this place? I do. I know it so well.   I remember once my dad asked my why all my drawings had so many hearts in them. He said it with a smile; he was teasing me in the same way he used to call me “funny for a girl.”   If I […]

I’m discovering something about Death: It’s a lie.   My dad is with me everyday in so many ways. I suspect he’s responsible when his favorite songs come on the radio. I sense him in any man playing a guitar. I often feel him standing behind me with a reassuring hand on my shoulder. When […]

A friend died today.  He and I were the same age, we’ve been friends since we were fourteen. When he got married less than a year ago, I was a bit disappointed, I’d always had a crush. But he had a beautiful new wife and baby, and as far as I know, he was happy, […]

When You See me cry, Don’t try to stop me    Or fix me    Or change me    Or help me. If you’re moved to hold me Or sit with me, Touch me or hand me a tissue, Do! But don’t worry about me Or assume something is wrong, When you see me cry. […]

Presence  Or, Infinity In a Box I think Presence gets a bad rap.  It isn’t sitting quietly with open attention (except when it is). it isn’t a smile or a nod or a peaceful pose (except when it is). It isn’t gentle or passive, silent or still (except when it is). Presence is WILD As wild […]

Today is my 35th birthday (36 if you count the original) and this year I’m giving myself Happiness. Real happiness, lasting happiness, not just the kind that bounces on trampolines (though that too, of course!) This is the kind that sustains, nourishes, creates, honors. The kind that is friendly, inclusive, honest, real. Actually “giving” myself […]

Whoever says that traveling is glorious and magical and something everyone must do, was not telling the story from the beginning.   Or perhaps they are made of different stuff than I am, like ease and confidence and a perpetual sense of inherent belonging. Perhaps they more easily take risks or they don’t perceive risks […]

There is a famous study in which researchers left kids alone with a marshmallow. If the kids waited to eat their marshmallow until the researcher came back, they would get a second one. Some kids ate the first marshmallow right away. Others waited a minute or two. A few made it to the end. Researchers […]

There’s this thing in nature where animals, deer, ducks, and others, shake after a stressful encounter, relieving the tension that forms during a fight.   Last night after watching the debates, I shook. There’s a baby in my house now, and she cried, unusually distraught. It may be unrelated, but I’m not so sure…   […]

A few weeks ago, my brother took me to get my first Tattoo. As I sat in the chair with my arm extended, he put his hand on my shoulder and said to me, “Pay attention. Nothing else feels quite like this. You’re gonna want to know what it feels like.”   It was great […]